Ways You Can Work Toward The Creation Of a Consent Culture
1. Don’t rape people. It does bear saying. And I don’t just mean “don’t put on a ski mask and jump on strangers in dark alleys” rape, either. Don’t have sex with someone who is not unambiguously, enthusiastically, and continually consenting. Don’t have sex with someone who says “I guess so” or “okay, fine” (unless they are grinning lasciviously as they say this). Don’t convince someone to have sex. If they don’t want you, really want you from the bottom of their heart and/or groin, respect that.
2. When someone doesn’t want to have sex with you and so you don’t, talk about it. Share that you’re bummed but also that you take pride in your ability to take it gracefully.
When you didn’t want to have sex with someone and so they stopped, talk about it. Share that despite the awkwardness you’re glad they took it gracefully.
These are tough things to discuss (in part because they sound kind of Captain Obvious, like, no shit it was nice of you not to rape someone), but they’re important narratives to put out there. Others’ stories shape our ideas about sex, and hearing stories that fall outside the “have sex or you’re a failure” mindset are important in changing those ideas.
3. When someone tells you about pressuring or tricking someone into sex (and you’re in a situation where it’s safe to do so), call them the hell out on it. ”That’s not cool. It doesn’t sound like he/she wanted it.” You don’t have to use the R word, you don’t have to tell them they should be arrested, you don’t have to call them a rapist piece of shit—you just have to make it clear they’re not getting any goddamn high fives. When you hear someone bragging about sex like it was a prank they pulled on their partner, bring the mood in the room the hell down.
You can do this with fictional stories, too. You don’t even have to be no-fun then. ”Wow, you guys, ‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’ is totally a date rape song.” Without requiring a rant or a buzzkill, it just quietly plants the idea that no, that is not a “totally legit way to get sex” song.
4. When you see something that looks abusive or nonconsensual going on, don’t turn your back. At least be a witness—just the presence of another person can be someone’s biggest guarantee of safety. Stepping in and checking if everything’s okay is even better.
(Source: seriouslyamerica, via seriouslyamerica)
